I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She said her name was "party"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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