I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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