Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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