Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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