And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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