I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
