maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize