Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
