Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
