Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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