the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
