I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
