The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
