ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
