Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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