No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
