i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize