Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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