I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
