whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We named our party play list daddy issues
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
