I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize