Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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