Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
