oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my shit smells like andre
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
