Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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