Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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