That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
