Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
false alarm, still single
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
