I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
