xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk is a universal language darling
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
