Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
