Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We need to get me chipped asap
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
