using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
