what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I currently don't understand fingers.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
