Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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