Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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