So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
