Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.

Fav 8 2013 1340
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(336): View more from North Carolina

i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

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(512): View more from Texas

I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.

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(513): View more from Ohio

im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know

Fav 11 4009 2069
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months

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(713): View more from Texas

onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.

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(631): View more from New York

Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after

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(613): View more from Ontario

He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!

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