my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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