I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize