My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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