i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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