I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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