New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
