My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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