Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We just shotgunned beers for America
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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