i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
