im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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