worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
