Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
