real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize