I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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