Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
