We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
