A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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