one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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