Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
