Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize