dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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