i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
