I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
