Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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