I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
