Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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