Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize